Ryder and Destry Do Disneyland

"You are forgiven for your sins. Bless you my son," says the mouse.

They rode It's a Small World three times. "What do you mean the boats are bottoming out?" says Ryder.

"Psssst. Ryder, act like you're asleep when we get home and we won't have to help unload the car. I learned that from my mommy and it works like a charm every time."

The lights are about to go out on Small World.

I’ve never really liked Temecula

When I was a kid we’d occasionally play soccer teams from Temecula and youthful ignorance made me believe that they were all rich kids so I hated them and the town they came from. Coincidentally, I also hated Grand Terrace for the same reason. Plus, its name sounded so elitist. As an adult I discovered that Grand Terrace is neither grand, nor is it much of a terrace and the kids there aren’t much different than the kids in Rialto. However, after calling it home for five years, I can now say that GT (as the locals call it) is not a bad place. Temecula, on the other hand is a bad place. I tore my ACL in Temecula, I was issued a speeding ticket in Temecula, I was stung by a bee in Temecula, and last Saturday I soloed the 12-Hours of Temecula mountain bike race (10-Hours of Temecula, actually). It was, and I still am miserable.


Cramps, stomach issues, and then getting passed by girls – they all played a part in my demise.


Afterward, it was pointed out by some that my diet, nutrition, and preparation for the event were sub-par. They mocked me. And you know what? They’re right. It’s time to get this situation under control. Dedication, hard work, the ability to suffer, and left-over teenage angst can only take you so far for so long in this world. I need to either tap into some previously undiscovered raw talent or start reading some supplements labels because this fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants stuff just won’t fly.


It’s all got me very worked up. I need a drink.


I can’t blame my bike. For 10 hours it (and the fine mechanical skills of Ben Parks) kept me doing laps.

Although, riding one of these would have been nice. Johnson's Superfly has arrived.

My body felt like I was riding one of these.

On subsequent days, I rode one of these.

Yada, yada, yada, the writers are on strike

The new adventures of old Elane

It’s an XXXL World

I told you so. All the fat kids running around (I mean, sitting around) have forced Disneyland to shut down It’s a Small World in order to bring in larger boats and a deeper water-way. Obese adolescents and their parents too, are too heavy for the ride, so Ryder’s favorite Magic Kingdom attraction will be closed down for a year during renovations. So, not only do I have to pay taxes for their health care, but now my kid can’t ride his favorite ride because much of America looks like Dumbo? I guess large is in charge.

How long before they sink a Jungle Cruise?


Malls? Rats!

The news is that over the holiday season, Al qaeda may be targeting southern California malls and shopping centers. This is horrible news. They can do what they want to our outdoor shopping centers, but hasn’t the SoCal indoor mall already suffered enough? My generation and probably the generation before were raised inside indoor malls and now that they are an endangered species, these people want to blow up the few still standing? What in the hell is wrong with these people? I know what some of you are thinking; ‘Go ahead, blow up the Carousel Mall. It’s nothing but an indoor swap meet now.’ Wrong! The indoor mall will rise again! One day we will smell the sweet scent of the Orange Julius and Mrs. Fields Cookies. We will buy our turtlenecks and refrigerators from J.C. Penny and Montgomery Wards and not from Target and Home Depot. Our music will come from Sam Goody, our candy from See’s, and our hosiery from Harris’. We will once again buy our sneakers from a man dressed as a referee. The indoor mall will rise again! We must protect them.


I'm Not on Strike

Since the sntertainment writers are on strike, I’m going to write a great Saturday Night Live skit, cross the picket line, and go from minor celebrity to major celebrity. Here’s a summary of my skit. This kid, (we’ll call him Matt) is sitting in his room with his friend (we’ll call him Nathan) and they’re looking through their football cards. Just before they are going to trade a 1985 Refrigerator Perry and a 1983 Lyle Alzado (R.I.P.), OJ Simpson and his goons bust in like the Kool Aid Man and demand that Nathan hand over his 1970 OJ rookie card, or at least trade it for a 1975 Al Cowlings. Instead of giving in, Matt and Nathan tell the Juice to get lost unless. The Juice offers to throw in an ‘87 Brian Bosworth and an ’85 Phil McConkey and then a heated barter ensues between the acquitted murder and the two boys. Just when it’s about to come to a head, OJ catches sight of an old USC football helmet in the corner of the bedroom and claims that it once belonged to him. As Matt and Nathan try to keep it away from the Juice, the broken NFL hero grabs it, and begins to put it over his head, but the maroon helmet doesn’t fit. With the helmet stuck halfway over his head, the Juice looks into the camera and says, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

Halloween has come and gone. Now go ride your bike!

Ryder's obsession with trains carried over into Halloween. He went Happy Halloweening as a train conductor and Alex went as a pirate. Destry was Mickey Mouse. They all got lots of candy.

Speaking of Candy...

The average person loses 13 lbs. their first year of commuting by bike.

Just three hours of bicycling per week can reduce your risk of heart disease and stroke by 50%.

A 140-pound cyclist burns 508 calories while pedaling 14 miles in an hour.

The U.S. could save 462 million gallons of gasoline a year by increasing cycling from 1% to 1.5% of all trips.

Each U.S. rush-hour auto commuter spends and average of 50 hours a year stuck in traffic.

In 2003, cars stalled in traffic wasted 5 million gallons of fuel.

In 1964, 50% of kids rode to school and the obesity rate was 12%... in 2004, 3% rode to school and the obesity rate was 45%.

Between 1960 and today the average weight of a 6-11 year old has increased 11 pounds.

60% of the pollution created by automobile emissions happens in the first few minutes of operation, before pollution control devices can work effectively.

25% of all trips are made within a mile of the home, 40% of all trips are within two miles of the home, and 50% of the working population commutes five miles or less to work.

I'm just the messenger. All of this is from 1world2wheels.org

The Pogues, Into the Wild & Red Asphalt

Saw the Pogues show at House of Blues (HOB) Anaheim on Sunday night. It was pretty cool to be down on the floor so close to one of my life heroes, although last year's show at the Wilturn was better. The HOB is already small and it seemed like they over-sold the show. It was definately the most crowded HOB show I've ever been to. Before we went, I had entertained the idea of buying a ticket for tonight's show at the Wiltern, but after getting home at 2 a.m. on Monday morning, I couldn't bare the thought of staying out late twice in one week. Not even for Shane, who by the way looked excellant. It looks like he's lost weight. The funniest part of the night was when the crowd was waiting for the Pogues to come on stage; a roadie brought out a stool and set it center stage and the crowd gasped, assuming Shane was too wasted or feeble to stand on his own. As it turns out, the stool was for Shane to set his drinks. Icon.

Saw Into the Wild on Saturday night. Heavy. A sidenote to the story of Chris McCandless, is that it's hard to believe the same guy who played Jeff Spicolio and was married to Madonna is making movies like this. Good work and a good intreptation of the book. Anyway, the movie was rad. The book is even more rad. I liken it to a modern day Catcher in the Rye and think all men, young and old should read it (or listen on audiobook). And their women should too. It explains a lot.

I just found out that the Tossers played the Wiltern last Friday night. Sonofbitch. They'll be back in December. Thanks God.


The first Friday of every month is the Red Asphalt Ride. This month the turn-out was between 30 and 40.

We ride all over town, like through the parking lot of Target at Citrus Plaza.

And then we go over to City Hall and do a crit in the undrerground parking lot.

There are all kinds of bikes. Mountain bikes, road bikes, commuters bikes, beach cruisers, singlespeeds and of course, fixxies.

Every month's ride has a theme and since November is national mustache month, then why not? Here is the judging of the femme mustaches at the Redlands Bowl. The chick with the mohawk won. She made her own mustache with hair from her freshly shaved head. Rad.


Trevor won the mustache contest for the dudes, although Steve was a close second. I wasn't elgible because I didn't start growing mine until a week prior. Everyone else started at the beginning of October. Anyway, I went with a John Waters stache. Not rad. Creepy. Photos to come.


After the ride we went to the Vault, spread the good bicycle word and had a few drinks. Next month's theme is Christmas. With any luck at all, we'll have 50 people dressed in Santa suits riding around Redlands and a lot of toys for our toy drive.