Everything Must Go!

Trek XO1 cross bike, 54cm
In 2006, I thought, what the heck. My USAC license says Category 1 CX, I’ll try cross racing. So, I got a cross bike, modified it slightly to better handle southern California cross courses and proceeded to get my ass handed to me. And of course every time I did put a good race together I’d get a puncture. Plus, racing cross on winter weekends left me no time to do base miles so when road racing season rolled around, my endurance was slightly better than that of a life-long smoker’s. In 2007, I said nah to cross, and while I got my base miles this winter, I became bored doing it. I’m no longer cut out for 6 hour days in the “cold”. That means I’m back on the cross band wagon come this winter, which means I bought a new cross bike, which means my old bike could be yours. Besides, you’re too old to be doing 6 hour base mile rides too. Cross only takes an hour. You need this bike.

Trek Madone frame, 56cm
If you went to Interbike a few years ago, you'll remember that you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of Madone knock-off frame like this one. The funny part is, Trek only used this frame for, I think, two years before they got rid of the seat tube cut-out design. Apparently Lance didn’t like it. He can afford to be picky. You can’t. You should buy this frame.

Bontrager RaceXXXLite seat post, 27.2mm
I just happen to have two of these carbon fiber beauties and each one of them would look great on either a red Madone road frame, a gun-metal black cross bike, or whatever else you’re trying to dress up. These things are like new. I only weigh a buck forty-five on a fat day and I do most of my climbing out of the saddle, so these babies still have years of structural integrity left in them. Not only are they strong and light weight, they dampen the vibration of a rough ride. And with today’s roads, that could mean the difference between adopting and being able to conceive your own child. You can’t afford to not buy one or both of these seat posts.

Bontrager RaceXXXLite stem, 90mm
I admit, carbon fiber stems are probably a waste of money. They’re expensive and they don’t weigh much less than a good aluminum stem. But you waste money all the time. Think of all the money you’ve wasted on bling wheels, fruity drinks, movies, ex-significant others, clothes, electronics… the list goes on and on. Why stop now? Waste some money on a carbon stem. Besides, you probably don’t really care how much something costs; just as long as you look cool with it in your possession. What’s more cool than a carbon fiber stem? It sends a message. It says, “I’ve got a handle on things and it can only be handled with carbon fiber.” That’s cool. That’s Arthur Fonzarelli cool. Hey, make me an offer I can’t refuse.