1. You’re sleeping or passed out in the gutter
2. An addiction of some sort is keeping you from holding down a job
3. Family and friends are not safe from your conniving ways
4. You play Frisbee golf (specifically at Ford Park in Redlands)
I’m just going to come straight out and say it. The people playing frisbee golf at Ford Park are weird. They’re like living, breathing police composite sketches. Yesterday I took Ryder down there so he could play on the playground. When he got bored with that he wanted to go wonder around the park, but instead of a carefree run on the grass, here’s what we got: “Hey man, just so you know, you’re in the middle of the fairway and those dudes are waiting to Tee-off.”
Would you trust this guy around children?
Here’s how your average frisbee golfer at Ford Park can be characterized:
- Mid 20s to mid 50s in age
- Over weight
- Poor personal grooming
- Carries a duffle bag, which appears to contain a collection of Frisbees
- Appear to be high
- Probably not legally allowed to live near a school
These guys share some characteristics of a hippie, but by definition lack the most likeable trait of a hippie – that being their obsession with peace and love. Instead, these “athletes” have thrown peace and love out the window as they fling their discs of death with no regard for human life. Their competitiveness with one another is demonstrated threw yells and screams that exceed actual celebrations on the PGA Tour. As they wonder from hole to hole or from shot to shot, they look like they’re either searching for an open freight car or trying to find their Camaro in a parking lot after a REO Speedwagon concert. I wish these sleeze balls would stick to playing hacky sack in their own yards.
What I’m not sure of is if these guys consider this “sport” as an actual sport and form of exercise, or if frisbee golf is just an excuse to go smoke some dope, hang out at the park, and stakeout their next kidnapping victim. What I am sure of is that I’m not going back to Ford Park, unless I happen to hit rock bottom, get fat, or give up on life.
WANTED: Last seen playing frisbee golf at Ford Park.