Feb 17, 2010

What To Do When You Receive an ebay Question from Dumbass (or, How to Receive Negative ebay Feedback).

Like Steve Berg, I too am getting cyber-bullied on ebay for not answering buyer questions in a prompt manner. Maybe it has something to do with the demanding and ridiculous nature of some of the questions. For example, “The Gary Fisher website says the effective top tube is 527mm. Does that sound right?” and “You didn’t post the weight of the bike. Please weigh the bike,” and my favorite, “I asked you to weigh the bike and you haven’t gotten back to me yet. Weigh the bike and get back to me ASAP.”

These type of questions are a lose-lose situation for me. If I don’t answer the questions, I risk losing a potential buyer. If I do answer the questions, I still risk losing a potential buyer because I’m likely to answer them like this:

“I checked with Gary Fisher himself and he has no idea whether 527 mm is the correct effective top tube length either. Both Gary and I agree that more than likely, his website is correct, but who knows for sure. I could go out to the garage and measure it myself, but I’m not completely comfortable with my measuring abilities, so who knows for sure if I’d get the measurement right. I suggest that you be the highest bidder and once you’ve paid and I’ve shipped you the bike, you can find out firsthand whether or not it does indeed have a 527mm effective top tube and if Gary's website is right or if he's just pulling your leg.”

And we mustn’t forget the weight weenie, whose question, if I did answer, I would probably answer like this:

“When I received your first message I put ‘weigh the bike’ on my list of things to do today right above 'pay bills' and right underneath ‘measure the effective top tube.’ Then I received your second message demanding that I weigh the bike 'ASAP,' as you put it. At that point I decided that if you’re that concerned with the weight of the Dura Ace, Ultegra, and RaceXLite high-end component-equipped bike, you’re probably not tough enough to race cyclocross in the first place, thus you don’t deserve, or need this bike. Plus, your ebay username contains clues suggesting you’re from Florida, and of all the Confederate States, Florida is by far my least favorite. Doing ebay business with someone in Florida is kind of like doing ebay business with someone outside of the U.S. – it’s most likely a scam. And besides, the cross racing in Florida is probably pretty lame, so consider it a favor that I did not cave to your demands. I saved you a lot of money and a lot of suffering, and myself a trip out to the garage. Furthermore, your Confederate money is no good.”

Contrary to what you may think about this blog, it actually has morals and the moral of this story is that if you send me dumb ebay questions, you’re more than likely to get back a dumber answer.

These aren’t morals, but instead, good-to-know information:

Per my Garmin Edge 500, Raincross is harder than Como. Turner’s Garmin can back me up on that. Garmins don’t lie.

The first two-thirds of the Palm Springs Century (or whatever they call it) are pretty cool. The last third is spent riding from red light to red light to red light, which is not cool at all.

Don’t eat fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn on the cob an hour before riding the Silver Bullet at Knott’s Berry Farm unless you want to feel like hell for the better part of two hours.

The Ghost Rider rollercoaster at Knott’s Berry Farm is wicked fast.

I wonder what Ryder is doing right now?

3 comments:

John said...

READ THIS COMMENT ASAP...

Trish said...

The Ghost Rider rollercoaster at Knott’s Berry Farm is also wicked fun. I think I even heard you screaming. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone. :-)

steve-o said...

SO aggravating. I finally caved and gave a dude free shipping, but only if it didn't involve me answering stupid questions about the bike. No kidding. Good thing he went for it, best 75 bones i ever lost.